Im trying not to think about how disgustingly late it will be before I get to sleep again tonight. Im also trying not to think about how much I hate the artwork that Im doing for Josh, how I cant get it to look anything like I want it to, and how its going to have to be finished tomorrow night...err...tonight.
But really, sickeningly, horrifyingly, pathetically, tragically, amazingly, mass quantities of "ly" words varying in degrees of revulsion-ly, Im thinking about how very sad I am that I didnt get to go to the bookstore and read the first chapter of Breaking Dawn today. The sneak peak on EW, just was enough to make me feel sick with myself for not doing it. Gah. There is something seriously messed up with my brain lately. Seriously.
Earlier, before all this self-disgust/masochism set in, I was thinking, about how people react to things they dont like. Waiting in line, driving in traffic, sardines, the president, gifts from the neighbors dog, having to take twice as long to get to the bathroom when your bladder the size of a capri sun is filled with the contents of a Big Gulp (I mean, lets face it, small soda's are for suckers who dont know the concept of value) because you have to get a key to the gas station toilet--and inevitably get stuck behind the Cat Lady on lottery day--that is disgusting anyways negating the entire purpose of the key,--smells, tastes, songs, words, people. And how Jesus reacts to things he didnt like in the Bible. Im not going to explain that, you can read up on it, and plus, its much to late for citations, they have a curfew...or should.
I know my reactions differ, if not always externally, then internally. Politeness really isnt much more than a clever, universally accepted deceit, buts its nice to us so we keep it around. But, I just really dont understand why we dont often think about that--how we react to unpleasant things that is. There are so many Christians with so much disdain and dislike for just about everything not found in a Lifeway store, for real life and people, Christians who react so ridiculously selfish on a regular basis, I have to fight so hard against that in myself. But its worth it not having to carry around all that hate, or envy, or selfishness that causes us to look like red faced crying children when things dont go our way.
Yeah. I dont think I managed to keep one single thread of thought going there, it kind of skipped around, but its just something I've been thinking, so its to be expected.
Im thinking about how afraid I am of this summer, of nothing happening, just another year passing, its like Dave Eggers says, this is some terrible machine where only the predictable occurs. Its rather tiresome really.
