I Am Hopeful Full Of Doubt

This entry is scattered and makes no sense, but thats only because I am still working through all my thoughts...hopefully some of them will be adequately conveyed.

First, A Poem:

After Parting

Oh, I have sown my love so wide
That he will find it everywhere;
It will awake him in the night,
It will enfold him in the air.

I set my shadow in his sight
And I have winged it with desire,
That it may be a cloud by day,
And in the night a shaft of fire.
--Sarah Teasdale

She is my favorite poet. I highly recommend "I am not Yours" and "It is not a word" and just about anything else she has written...they are all amazing.

Cut to an interior view:

Patience. Wait. Patience. Patience. Wait. Patience. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Its so very difficult.

I was thinking earlier about everything (which means the one thing *cough cough*, that I always think about) and one underlying truth became apparent--you know, things you know but you never really realize that you know them, until something really obvious hits you in the face and it all makes sense? Well, it really hit me: God made love. He is the source of love. Whatever I feel that is loving and caring and selfless comes from Him. It is because of God that I am able to feel that.

God also created him (who shall remain nameless, simply because I have an idea who he is, but I could be wrong...I dont think so, but I might.), every part of him, everything that I adore (good word Jaymin) about him. God loves him more than I ever could.

To me, this has huge implications about how I think about him, about how I think about everyone for that matter.

The girls in our youth group like to do what all girls in the 13-16 age bracket like to do: talk about how hot (or not) the guys at their school, or at FUEL, or anywhere really, are. Its always been something that bothers me. It just seems to really cheapen someone. It feels like its just slapping an "I would do you" lable on them and negating the rest of their humanity, the fact that they feel, and think, and are loved terribly by God.

So we're working on not talking about guys that way. If we had boys (other than Eric) in our youth group it would be the same for them.

Another reason why this is so important to me, is because like Josh Harris says in I Kissed Dating Goodbye, you should treat everyone of the opposite gender as brothers or sisters in Christ, not only because God loves them, but because you most likely arent going to marry them. They belong to someone else. They are someone else's future husband or wife. If you dont treat them with that kind of respect, then you not only hurt them (yourself), you hurt the person they (you) will eventually marry as well.

I just think that one has to be careful. I try to remind myself this constantly. I wouldnt want anyone acting inappropriately towards my future husband, I love him too much already, and I would probably have to draw blood if I found out about it. No, just kidding, thats where forgiveness comes in, but I wouldnt be happy about it.

Patience. Wait. God makes everything beautiful in its time, right? Its just that sometimes I wish His time would be at 7:00pm this evening.