The sky glows, I see it shining with my eyes closed.

As Im writing this I'm peeling a bloodorange thats staining my fingers pink, while my car sits diagonal in the snow and ice covering my yard, about 30 feet from my front door. Everything today seems gray or white outside. No other colors exist. Everything is monochrome.

Let me rewind:

Yesterday at best was disappointing and at worst broke my heart, but when everything is lonely I can be my own best friend. Apathy is disgusting. Self-doubt makes me nauseous. I wish I didnt possess those qualities. I wish you didnt either. Its time to move on.

The bloodorange I am peeling is from Tom's market in Yellow Springs, which is also why my car is diagonal in the yard, having more slid into the drive way than driven into it. Everything is related.

I just got back from Dino's yet again. When everything is frozen and blue that place is warm. Today I forsook (yeah, thats right, forsook) my usual and had the barista, Eric surprise me with a drink. It was wonderful. White Chocolate Amaretto. Sitting in the window with my drink and my book I watched everything roll by, like the background of car scenes in old movies, it felt just as real. The soundtrack to Le Fableux Destin d'Amelie Poulin was playing in the shop and outside there was a lady in a cloak with red hair and an Elizabethan dress. There is a tree that different people have knitted a sweater around. There was an old man with white hair, a red bicyle and bright blue helmet. Almost everyone smiles and says hello. Then I walk down to the record shop to talk with the girl in there and buy New Kids on the Block on vinyl. There is a guy there with dark hair and Cursive t-shirt looking whom I've seen once before who greets me like we're friends. The best friends I have here have become people I dont even know.

Why is it easier to love strangers than people we know? Maybe because we dont know them it makes it easier. We cant be dissuaded by their flaws if we arent aware they exist. To dig deeper would mean tarnishing the image of them we have in our heads. But I like broken people. I like the tarnished and the flawed and uncertain, because I can relate and those things dont scare me or make me feel awkward and stupid like perfection does.

I dont know what Im ranting about anymore except that maybe we dont have to be so afraid of everyone all the time, because maybe they're just as afraid of us, of what we think of them, of what standards we hold them to. There are all sorts of people out there, but they all just want someone who cares. The frienliness you find in Yellow Springs is pretty rare I think. Try going to any mall or airport and make eye contact and smile at anyone and you will see what I mean. Most people look through you, above you, past you, wherever and the ones you do catch will more than likely look surprised. I think its one of the great tragedies of our age. That we're too busy or too afraid to care.

Oh well, enough ranting, Im tired of it. Im tired of words--the abundance and lack of them--there is always too many or not enough and they almost always leave me feeling empty or inspired but inadequate. Its time to do something.


But I cant. Im leaving that up to you.

:)